going home

I’ve been reminded so much lately about home.

As a place in my heart that I brought with me from a different time, place, plane.

As a physical location where I spent the bulk of my formative years. As a longing to recreate that peace, security, innocent grace of living in a simpler time. As a hope of what I can create in the present and moving forward.

I grew up hearing "you can't go home." Pardon my language, but that's bullshit.

While things may not be exactly the same upon our return to "home," my life is a testament to the ability to return, time and time again, to various versions of home.

Finding my core to begin healing from disordered eating that nearly killed me. The tenacity to learn to walk again after my ankle injury and twice more after surgeries to improve function.

Deep dives into Spirit in walks, meditation, Kundalini yoga, prayer, love making, laughter, dancing, signing, playing.

Moving back to Naples after my divorce, including living with my parents for a time.

Holding the hand of my Popu and mom in illness and as they slipped to their heavenly home.

Relocating to my "hometown" nearly two years ago after 25 years away.

The grief that broke me, repeatedly, and helped me find love time and time again.

The joy of watching my nephews grow. Dinner with family. Hanging out with childhood friends. Making new friends.

I'd assert we are in a constant process of returning home as each of these experiences calls us to draw within to our light and shadows and claim them as our own. To own all of our brilliance, foibles, fears, atrocities, creativity, genius, simplicity, complexity, humor, grace, love...our stories and our Divine nature.

A walk among the trees, up a mountain path or along a shore calls us home to Gaia - Mother Earth/Nature - in all her glory, and ours, as part of the web of life.

When present, living in the moment fully, we are called home to Life.

Whether in grief, joy, peace, turmoil, confusion, when we sit in it completely, we are called home to the power, presence and peace of being immersed in who and what we are in that instant.

All this said, there are times, like today, when I feel distinctly lost and floundering...without a home. Without purpose or direction. Without the solid foundation Home provides.

Clearly, that feeling is a lie. Or at least a myth.

Whether spiritual, religious or not - we are part of something Grander than our cells. We have a level of consciousness that calls us to something deeper...if we allow it.

We are part of the family of humans. An integral part of our earth home. Our lives impact others whether we feel it, are aware of it, or not.

To a great extent, our bodies are the physical homes we inhabit, only slightly more (or less - depending on perspective) evolved than the tortoise who carries a physical home around him.

For me, Home is all of these things and, yet, I'm still constantly feeling pulled inward and outward. Like Anais Nin, "I'm restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again."

Perhaps that makes the most sense as science continually shows us that star dust is in our very DNA.

So, why DO we feel lost? Why do we wonder about our place and purpose if, at every turn, we are reminded that we are Home? That we do belong...we wouldn't be here if it wasn't meant to be. If we at once carry, encounter and create Home each and every moment of the day and night?

I don't know. Our human nature overtaking our spiritual core? Influences from our culture? Ego? Probably these and more.

What do we do to help feel at-home in our bodies, lives, communities and the world?

My heart says to live as authentically as possible. Follow our hearts more and brains less.

Tell the itty bitty shitty committee: "NO!" "Silence!" "F-off!"

Synch our hearts with our minds - let our innate wisdom and intelligence lead. Trust our guts and know that even if we mis-step, make a mis-take, we're still where we need to be and can make corrections as we go.

Ground. Get back to nature...literally and figuratively. Hug a tree. Walk in grass. Take a bath or shower. Advocate and donate to protect this lovely planet that is fighting to stay alive.

Enjoy earthy foods with rich depth...dark chocolate, red wine, our fav "comfort foods" (be respectful to your body and watch overindulging as a way to hide or escape).

FEEL. Allow all our feelings to come up. Sit with them. Let them wash over us - we don't have to act on them (feel angry, just don't punch someone). This is how we heal.

Give back, help others, including the planet; support our friends; reach-out to find the Home within.

Remind ourselves, as I am doing today, that we are always Home.

We carry Home in our hearts. Earth is Home. Our abode is Home. Our loved ones, including the animals we share our lives with, are Home. Memories are Home. Faith is Home. Heaven, whether 'out there' or 'in here', is Home.

Pondering this today, I'm reminded that Home isn't dependent on something always staying exactly the same. If we are honest, we know that things are never the same...every aspect of life changes moment by moment.

However, a feeling that resides in us may be familiar enough that it feels like things haven't changed to our hearts, our souls.

So, to quote Jon Bon Jovi, "Who says you can't go home...I lived a million miles of memories on that road
With every step I take, I know that I'm not alone...You take the home from the boy...But not the boy from his home."

What is your perception of Home? Do think you can "go home'? How to you live Home along your nourished path?

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