let it be

We’re so often told forgiveness is the key to freedom. 

Or, to “just let go”. 

I’ve spent the better parts of 40+ years working on healing a litnay of challenges from early childhood sexual abuse and familial alcoholism, to physical abuse at the hands of a sibling and numerous injuries, illnesses that allopathic medicine couldn’t “fix”.

Something I feel confident of, also backed by ancient modalities, spiritual practices and, more recently, science: trauma is stored in our bodies. 

It is passed down from generation to generation not only by learning poor coping skills, being trained not to see options/lack of awareness of something “different” and modeling less than useful behaviors, but in our very DNA.

I can honestly say I’ve worked HARD to forgive, to let go, to heal. 

Counseling. Trauma therapy. Self-help groups, books and retreats. Studying herbs, nutrition, essential oils, psychology, communications and more. Yoga, exercise, breastwork, acupuncture, chiropractic, etc.

And, today, I’m settling on this: LET IT BE.

If we could forgive or let go, we would. 

Sure, maybe not all of us, but most of us. 

We’d LOVE to be able to pull out every strand of pain, every fiber of anger, wavelength of rage, frustration. The deep GRIEF, WOUNDEDNESS, hurt, sorrow. 

To have the abandonment leave our hearts, minds and bodies forever. 

To feel like our soul is whole. To not have that hidden and lingering impression of something stolen from us that everyone else on earth has…

We’ve literally given up our health first to keep the secrets, then lost our families and friends for telling them. 

All in attempt to heal.

We’ve been ridiculed, called liars, abandoned, excluded, isolated, hurt (physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually) for not only speaking up, attempting to change, heal and survive — but because of WHO WE ARE.

Because we are different. 

Different from both our family because we are working to heal AND from society because we don’t have the tools or genetic make-up that others with less/different ancestry and experiences do. 

To deny this fundamental aspect of trauma is to deny us our hearts, souls, strength… our essence. ​

People will say “you are trapped in victimhood.” 

To quote my dad “No shit Sherlock”….how can we NOT be when it is a response WIRED into our minds and CODED into our DNA?

“Gandhi survived his challenges and forgave, you can too…that lady who lost her arm in a shark attack turned it into gold…and…and…and…”

While well-meaning, what it feels like to folks in a fog of chemicals triggered bodily responses, ones they might not even be fully cognizant of, is more victim blaming. 

And, on many levels it is.

Especially, if we do not fully know someone’s story. 

An assumption that someone is not living up to their potential is still a judgement that can carry a hefty weight for those of us working to find balance.

You may assume we are needing to ‘rebalance,’ but what I’m saying is many of us never felt balance. 

Never felt safety. Peace. Not at fundamental core levels.

So, the “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” approach may be a nice game we can play (and many of us have only known this our entire lives) is simply another notch on the side of trauma on our scoreboard of life.

That’s not to say I don’t believe in accountability. I do. But, hell, many of us have been accountable for not only ourselves, but our entire family and family systems throughout our lives.

My point in sharing all this, well, there are probably many. But, for now, I just want anyone who cannot fathom the path to forgiveness, all of us whose path to “letting go” is riddled with grasping on, to realize both phrases are highly inaccurate.

The point we are aiming for is PEACE. 

And, peace may be very different place for you than for me, based on our unique circumstances.

Here, we acknowledge our growth and our limitations, not as another failed attempt to meet society’s, our family or friends’ standards, but to settle into new sensations, beliefs, hopes, dreams.

The foreign territory of learning to feel safe when life is going well. That perhaps, just perhaps, this time…the other shoe will NOT drop. 

To create NEW chemical responses.

And, when the old chemical freight train courses uncontrollably through our bodies, to pause, breathe and LET IT BE. 

That’s it. 

Let it Be. 

Let YOURSELF BE. 

Allow the hate, rage, hurt, anger, mis-takes along your path. Allow the seeming unending grief, pain, jabs and triggering.

To sit in that sea of chemicals understanding (as best we can) what it is and popping our noses up like a manatee, dolphin or whale, to catch a breath. 

My trauma, YOUR trauma, literally is a wound trying to heal….on so many levels.

When the scab is “picked-at” (aka you are triggered), your body is trying to help save you by dumping all those intense hormones we call “fight, flight, freeze and fawn.”

Your system calls it “survival” and “normal”…life. 

So, like the sore on your skin that itches, breaks open occasionally as it heals, we Let It Be when it comes to the scratchy, red, swollen pain of our emotional, physical, psychological, spiritual trauma.

You don’t need my permission to Let It Be, but you have it if you want it. 

If you’d like some support as you work to create a body, mind, spirit that can hold health and wellbeing, I’m here to help. [email protected]